The Pope is Quitting!!?


omgomgomgomg OH. MY. GOD.

The Pope is quitting citing that his strength “has deteriorated in me to the extent that I have had to recognize my incapacity to adequately fulfill the ministry entrusted to me. For this reason, and well aware of the seriousness of this act, with full freedom I declare that I renounce the ministry of Bishop of Rome”.

My brain is exploding with too many jokes. News like this simply makes me short circuit.

Thanks for the job creation! Gonna update my resume to include “excels at not covering up molestation scandals” and “has the ability to not be a total turdpile”. What’s God’s email?

But seriously folks, does quitting make him the Sarah Palin of Popes? Are all those secret gay sex orgies at the Vatican finally taking its toll on his strength? I mean, he’s pretty old. Quitting proves he’s not a Nazi. Nazi’s never quit. They either got killed or disappeared when shit went down and slinked away — oh wait. I bet by summer there’s a huge Catholic scandal and they’re gonna blame it all on this Pope, who will have exited the church by then. Mark my words!

For realsies though – The Pope’s last day is February 28th. I look forward to smoking some purple haze for several days and will let everyone know when I’ve made My decision.


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