Words, Words, Words

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me. That’s just something we tell kids so they don’t feel bad on the playground, right? Cuz if adults really believed in this saying, we wouldn’t have anything to read on Twitter.

Lisa Lampanelli, stand-up comedian and “The Queen of Mean”, recently tweeted a picture of herself and “Girls” creator, Lena Dunham, saying, “Me with my nigga… I love this beyotch!” Many offended followers didn’t hesitate to scold Lisa for her language.


Lena’s HBO show “Girls” has been criticized for not having any black characters in it, so this n-word association can also be seen to some as a sort of face rub. (I’m curious how many people just got nervous about me using the word “black” as opposed to “African-American” in that last sentence) My opinion of this criticism of “Girls” is that the world being scripted is void of people of color for a reason. The show is about privileged white girls who are lost in life and making their way in New York City. Its a hilariously self-conscious show with flawed characters and lots of heart. My answer to any critics about the absence of different races is – go make a show that’s like “Girls” but has different races in it. If “Girls” didn’t live in its own cocoon of whiteness, it wouldn’t be the same show.

Another Twitter war that won’t seem to die is that between blogger Perez Hilton and rapper Azealia Banks. Perez butted into a fight between Azealia and another rapper, but when Azealia called him a “messy faggot”, Twitter exploded on her. She didn’t back down and started saying some really silly stuff (like “A faggot is not a homosexual male. A faggot is any male who acts like a female. There’s a BIG difference.” and “When I said acts like I female I should’ve said acts like a cunt.” and finally, “lol your a dum dum. …. You’re worse than a girl.”) Now granted, the bisexual Banks isn’t doing herself any favors, but I fault Perez in this interaction since the point of contention began when he inserted himself into a fight that wasn’t his. Should he be called a “messy faggot”? No, but I can’t say I disagree with the sentiment. I use “faggot” a lot within my circle of friends – for each other, for others. Its certainly not worth labeling Banks as “homophobic” because she dropped the word.

I wonder if Lisa Lampanelli only has the one nigga? I’m gonna send in an application to be one of her niggas cuz I applied for faggot with Azealia Banks and haven’t heard back yet.


RuPaul gets a lot of heat from the transgender community because Ru doesn’t think the word “tranny” is offensive, even though trans activists have told Ru that its not welcome language. I love me some RuPaul, but he doesn’t get to decide who is and isn’t offended by a word, right? It’s important to make sure society understand the difference between drag performers and transgender people who actually require equal rights in the workplace, with health insurance, and many other areas that are usually overlooked. I see Ru’s use of this word as a generational issue. Ru comes from old school 80’s gay lingo and there is certainly nothing scary about trans persons to Ru, so why would the transgender community be labeling Ru as “transphobic”? Seems a bit much to me. Recently, a contestant on RuPaul’s Drag Race came out as a trans woman and all the other contestants crowded around her for support and said there should be no safer place than right there in that room for gender expression.


Having worked in special education for 15 years, my brain can’t hear the word “retarded”. It hurts my soul and flashes me back to helping many past students decipher their feelings when they hear that word being used. “Retarded” just isn’t in my vocabulary. I used to stop everyone who ever said it and explain why it sounded so awful, but I’m older now – and tired. Also, I recognize that there are true times that all words could and should be used  for creative/comedic circumstances. So I would never want to eliminate any word from existence entirely. I mean, how does one do that anyway? Words aren’t tangible. They can’t be taken out of one’s mouth and locked away. They can, however, be taught to be used with precise skill. This is why, while in essence, I agree with Azealia Banks, but she comes off as a sloppy wordsmith.

While playing a reality TV game show, I called an extreme conservative (who was against marriage equality) an “idiot” and a “hypocrite”. I never used the word “bigot” because bigotry implies hateful intent. And while there are many people who are bigots that actively vote against equality, there are also people who truly have not lived outside their bubble of religion, who say hypocritical things and can be perceived as being idiots, that vote that way as well. There’s a big difference. This is why when I see people being labeled as “bigots”, its very often an overstatement. Its easy to get mired down in semantics while debating online (or even on national television!) Once someone who isn’t a bigot is called a bigot, then you’ve lost a line of communication. One can be outraged that I used the word “idiot” while ignoring “hypocrite” and then everyone calls everyone a “bigot” and nothing gets heard over the tears of non-hateful religious women or all the queer youth that cry themselves to sleep every night because of society’s message of inequality.


So here’s the solution: Say whatever you want, whenever you want, but be prepared to defend your choices and curb your usage depending on the circumstances. Acknowledge one’s legitimate right to be offended by using a particular word, but also realize that freedom of speech, particularly with regards to art, is here for all.

If you don’t like the word “nigga” coming out of a white lady comedian’s mouth, you probably aren’t going to be friends with that lady. If you don’t like RuPaul for saying “tranny”, you probably aren’t going to be chilling in the Interior Illusions Lounge any time soon. Personally, I don’t use the words “retarded”, “tranny”, “nigga” OR “nigger”. I have used them in the past for creative reasons – in a sketch or a blog post, perhaps the occasional tweet when needed for necessary emphasis. We choose when to be offended. Be conscious with your words. Awareness and tact can go a long way when you’re hanging out with all your retarded tranny nigga bigot faggots.


The Pope is Quitting!!?


omgomgomgomg OH. MY. GOD.

The Pope is quitting citing that his strength “has deteriorated in me to the extent that I have had to recognize my incapacity to adequately fulfill the ministry entrusted to me. For this reason, and well aware of the seriousness of this act, with full freedom I declare that I renounce the ministry of Bishop of Rome”.

My brain is exploding with too many jokes. News like this simply makes me short circuit.

Thanks for the job creation! Gonna update my resume to include “excels at not covering up molestation scandals” and “has the ability to not be a total turdpile”. What’s God’s email?

But seriously folks, does quitting make him the Sarah Palin of Popes? Are all those secret gay sex orgies at the Vatican finally taking its toll on his strength? I mean, he’s pretty old. Quitting proves he’s not a Nazi. Nazi’s never quit. They either got killed or disappeared when shit went down and slinked away — oh wait. I bet by summer there’s a huge Catholic scandal and they’re gonna blame it all on this Pope, who will have exited the church by then. Mark my words!

For realsies though – The Pope’s last day is February 28th. I look forward to smoking some purple haze for several days and will let everyone know when I’ve made My decision.

Unemployment, God, & Applebee’s

applebee tipAn unnamed server at an unnamed restaurant was given this receipt as a tip. Automatic gratuity for parties of 6 or more are standard at this particular restaurant, but the Pastor took great umbrage against the policy, crossed out the tip amount, wrote a huge zero with an obnoxious slash through it in the “additional tip” space, THEN wrote “I give God 10% Why do you get 18?” Well la-di-fucking-dah. The tip was charged on the credit card regardless, but the Pastor clearly wanted to make a statement – and a statement she did make.

Another server, who didn’t wait on the party, took the photo above, shared it online, and it went viral immediately, sparking moral outrage in both Christian and Atheism communities (and everyone in between). Internet sleuths tracked down the Pastor by her signature. Here is a kooky video of her “preaching” at her store front “church”.

Once people found out her church’s name, they alerted her “congregation”. A friend of Pastor Bell’s told her that her name was all over the internet, which prompted Pastor Bell to call Applebee’s to complain. Mind you, no one on the internet knew which restaurant this happened at until this phone call. It’s been reported that she demanded everyone be fired – the server who waited on her, the server who took the photo, and the manager on duty. Applebee’s responded by firing only the server who posted the receipt stating, “Our Guests’ personal information – including their meal check – is private, and neither Applebee’s nor its franchisees have a right to share this information publicly. We value our Guests’ trust above all else. Our franchisee has apologized to the Guest and has taken disciplinary action with the Team Member for violating their Guest’s right to privacy. This individual is no longer employed by the franchisee.” Applebee’s has posted similar information on their own website, but it was regarding positive feedback.

“My heart is really broken,” Pastor Bell told The Smoking Gun. “I’ve brought embarrassment to my church and ministry.” SO CREATING A NEW UNEMPLOYED WAITRESS IS GOING TO HELP TURN THAT AROUND?!! On Pastor Bell’s website (which was hacked and now appears to have been taken down), she describes herself as a mother who was unemployed and homeless on the street before turning her life over to Christ. I would think she would understand the repercussions of getting someone fired. Here’s a news segment where she is trying to act meek and mild to regain some self respect.

This ordeal is a great example of religious entitlement. People sometimes think they have the moral superiority over someone else because of their relationship with God. God seems cool, and if he exists – great! But, for people to use him as justification for their complete horsecrap never ceases to amaze me. The act of preaching in public is the height of selfishness. If people want to participate in a sermon, they will go to church, or read their Bible, or harvest their unique relationship with God on a one on one basis. Stop making yourself feel like a better person by going out into the world and placing your insecurities in the middle of the public square. Injecting ones religion into someone else’s life, whether it be very adorable Mormon young men who knock at your door uninvited or voting discrimination into law, is weak. If you need others to believe what you believe, then how firm are your own beliefs? Where does your own truth go when you have to convince people of the “truth”? This is why when a subway preacher starts screaming at a trapped audience on a train I sing “Holiday” by Madonna in their face until all the hipsters join in and the preacher shuts up or moves to another train car.

Applebee’s has been dealing with a PR debacle ever since. Whoever heads their social media presence should be fired as well, or at least demoted to server for a few months. The public outcry on their Facebook page has been fascinatingly hilarious to read through. Applebee’s has succeeded in bringing all sorts of people together in outrage over this issue. Christians, non-Christians, gays, straights, all ethnicities etc. Everyone everywhere is raining fire and brimstone down on the corporation, who also recently has cut hours with their staff so they aren’t required to provide health insurance. Nice work, corporate America.

Anyway, this is what I’m mad about this week. Have a great day!

Boy Scouts say heyyy?


The Boy Scouts of America are about to have a big, gay meeting. After having defended their rights to ban gay scouts or leaders all the way to the Supreme Court, the organization is now considering changing its national policy. I mean, if boys in the military can shower and shoot loads of guns together, then certainly the BSA would see this as an opportunity to show how great it is to be open minded and accepting of diversity within their club. What a great opportunity to teach little Charlie how some boys like boys and some boys like girls and its totally okay either way. Now lets all be respectful of each other and finish carving this bar of soap into a race car!

The BSA is proposing lifting its national ban, but what that does is allow the decision whether or not to be discriminatory up to the local levels. Basically, the policy could potentially be “Don’t discriminate, unless you want to”. I suppose thats the best answer if you want to wash your hands of any wrongdoing and then pass the torch down to your local leaders.

However, the BSA has asked for public input. That means you. And me! We’re the public! You can call them at 972-580-2330 or email NationalSupportCenter@Scouting.org I’m very curious to see how this pans out…

Poplitical – A Pop Culture & Political Experiment

A couple of friends and I were sitting around on Friday Night and thought, “Hey! Let’s make a TV show that’s sorta like “The View”, but with a buncha gays on it!” And what else do we have that “The View” does not? Improvised singing. This could be a new weekly show available on my Youtube Channel. Our editing skills are crap, but let’s focus on content for now hahaha — We’re still thinking of a title. Let’s see how it evolves…

Tap Tap, I’m the Whoopi, right? (oh god please don’t let me be the Hasselbeck)